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⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

welcome to my
liminal space :3

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧

my poems

crying in the dark, no curtain is open
my cold heart filled with ice
original stranger than the frozen
no one is wise enough to understand it
or warm enough to melt it

in the gloom im drowning
no one understands how hard is healing
staying the same or staying sane?
either way there's no escape from this pain

my heart has amnesia
forgets all the love yet remembers the hate
its like my heart muscles have eternal anesthesia
it cant pump love, love cant get out of its gate

in me there is sorrow
thats my life, frozen as cold steel
my soul is pitch dark, better to conceal

mother judges, cold and unstable
father manipulates, cold and unavailable
now my heart, to love im unable
in my night theres no candle

“didnt get love, freezing inside
now grown, decided to be on the opposing side
to feel home she became home, became one with her pain
now she feels hollow, on her soul theres constant rain”

there's no easy way to live i realize
i dont belong here
all i want is to feel alive
but my future is not clear
i miss the love

crying in the dark, no curtain is open
my cold heart filled with ice
original stranger than the frozen
no one is wise enough to understand it
or warm enough to melt it

in the gloom im drowning
no one understands how hard is healing
staying the same or staying sane?
either way there's no escape from this pain

my heart has amnesia
forgets all the love yet remembers the hate
its like my heart muscles have eternal anesthesia
it cant pump love, love cant get out of its gate

in me there is sorrow
thats my life, frozen as cold steel
my soul is pitch dark, better to conceal

mother judges, cold and unstable
father manipulates, cold and unavailable
now my heart, to love im unable
in my night theres no candle

“didnt get love, freezing inside
now grown, decided to be on the opposing side
to feel home she became home, became one with her pain
now she feels hollow, on her soul theres constant rain”

there's no easy way to live i realize
i dont belong here
all i want is to feel alive
but my future is not clear
i miss the love

drowning in my deeply internalized shame
my agony, i dont even know who's to blame
i cant even see whats beyond the rain
i feel more like myself when im feeling pain

from my mothers breast i drank the shame
it was not mine but i didnt know the game
feel shame, do the blame
and the one you blame does the same

whats inside pours outside

drowning in my deeply internalized shame
my agony, i dont even know who's to blame
i cant even see whats beyond the rain
i feel more like myself when im feeling pain

from my mothers breast i drank the shame
it was not mine but i didnt know the game
feel shame, do the blame
and the one you blame does the same

whats inside pours outside

a sin makes everyone bleed
we consist of prohibitions and lies
then god, why did you create us
and let us breed?

im sick of ideals of the eden
i dont care whose apple got eaten
i just want to live now, i dont want to live forever
wanna get rid of the endless terror

createn as damned, but you let us live
from the paradise i got banned
i am grateful that i'm alive
but am i in a sunk cost fallacy?

im sick of the rules made before i was born
tired of the "do this or die"s
i want to feel my existance is priceless
i dont want to do good deeds to justify
my unforgivable existance

why am i unforgivable?
born to feel horror i lost all my apples
being rejected is better than being invisible
i just want to go to a chapel
and confess by killing myself

to be firm you have to remember where you come from
to my eternal darkness sun always sets
made you sink in danger and now you turned
my soul belongs deep down, the hot depths
of fire and flames

my soul likes to hate
it learnt it from my wicked fate
my lord, how to unlearn something
when you learnt it weakly just to live?
my lord, why cant i unlearn something
if it no longer makes me want to live?

i know i feel things more
i know my soul is so wretched that it makes my life worse
i know it no longer works, the mask i wore
i know i see the world how i like too see but i still fight it
my soul knows how to lose a war
i know its easier to blame when shame is too thick
i know everything is within but everytime i go deep down i feel the ick
its easier to look outside so i bend the rules
who cares about rules anyway
they just make me feel like i should die

my soul is a time bomb
it will kill me first and then the others
it consists of everything can possibly harm
sorry

im a human sketch
scream of a person who already went to hell
even flames of hell cant heal the coldness inside of me
at least i feel like i belong

a sin makes everyone bleed
we consist of prohibitions and lies
then god, why did you create us
and let us breed?

im sick of ideals of the eden
i dont care whose apple got eaten
i just want to live now, i dont want to live forever
wanna get rid of the endless terror

createn as damned, but you let us live
from the paradise i got banned
i am grateful that i'm alive
but am i in a sunk cost fallacy?

im sick of the rules made before i was born
tired of the "do this or die"s
i want to feel my existance is priceless
i dont want to do good deeds to justify
my unforgivable existance

why am i unforgivable?
born to feel horror i lost all my apples
being rejected is better than being invisible
i just want to go to a chapel
and confess by killing myself

to be firm you have to remember where you come from
to my eternal darkness sun always sets
made you sink in danger and now you turned
my soul belongs deep down, the hot depths
of fire and flames

my soul likes to hate
it learnt it from my wicked fate
my lord, how to unlearn something
when you learnt it weakly just to live?
my lord, why cant i unlearn something
if it no longer makes me want to live?

i know i feel things more
i know my soul is so wretched that it makes my life worse
i know it no longer works, the mask i wore
i know i see the world how i like too see but i still fight it
my soul knows how to lose a war
i know its easier to blame when shame is too thick
i know everything is within but everytime i go deep down i feel the ick
its easier to look outside so i bend the rules
who cares about rules anyway
they just make me feel like i should die

my soul is a time bomb
it will kill me first and then the others
it consists of everything can possibly harm
sorry

im a human sketch
scream of a person who already went to hell
even flames of hell cant heal the coldness inside of me
at least i feel like i belong

tragic how inexperienced hearts create disasters
that they wanted to escape in the first place
they became the monster they once feared
because no love words were heard
at all
so they starved
and turned black
so is it their fault to be inexperienced anyways?
what can a heart spread if it's full of hate?
you can only vomit what you ate

whats already dead cannot die
people try to dye each other black and white
and judge as if they are pure
as if theres no other tones
not all evil people show you that they are evil
some people look good but are mentally medieval
they just turn it into a competition
its like a race who is better
all they do is projection
being right doesnt matter
what matters the most is intention
being right can be a tool
to make other people feel fool

beneath every rusty heart theres fear
they dont believe in compliments they hear
they think all words are dry

on every people theres a false mask
behind every mask theres a face that cries

rust in heart makes people paralyzed to pain
it gives you strength
but costs your humanity
its like an exchange, but it ends up being in debt
its not possible to compensate the emotions that you lack

and you just go numb
all of your attempts to be loved was vain
and you dont wanna try forever and be a dumb
but now youre the one that gets the blame,
for not fully confiding
but what you actually dont want is to taste the betrayal and pain,
so you dont wanna trust
the armor on you is a must
and you will always carry it
theres no gain in confiding
no one deserves it

maybe someday a sparkle of hope will rise
because you don't know how to live otherwise

tragic how inexperienced hearts create disasters
that they wanted to escape in the first place
they became the monster they once feared
because no love words were heard
at all
so they starved
and turned black
so is it their fault to be inexperienced anyways?
what can a heart spread if it's full of hate?
you can only vomit what you ate

whats already dead cannot die
people try to dye each other black and white
and judge as if they are pure
as if theres no other tones
not all evil people show you that they are evil
some people look good but are mentally medieval
they just turn it into a competition
its like a race who is better
all they do is projection
being right doesnt matter
what matters the most is intention
being right can be a tool
to make other people feel fool

beneath every rusty heart theres fear
they dont believe in compliments they hear
they think all words are dry

on every people theres a false mask
behind every mask theres a face that cries

rust in heart makes people paralyzed to pain
it gives you strength
but costs your humanity
its like an exchange, but it ends up being in debt
its not possible to compensate the emotions that you lack

and you just go numb
all of your attempts to be loved was vain
and you dont wanna try forever and be a dumb
but now youre the one that gets the blame,
for not fully confiding
but what you actually dont want is to taste the betrayal and pain,
so you dont wanna trust
the armor on you is a must
and you will always carry it
theres no gain in confiding
no one deserves it

maybe someday a sparkle of hope will rise
because you don't know how to live otherwise

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