16

a sin makes everyone bleed
we consist of prohibitions and lies
then god, why did you create us
and let us breed?

im sick of ideals of the eden
i dont care whose apple got eaten
i just want to live now, i dont want to live forever
wanna get rid of the endless terror

createn as damned, but you let us live
from the paradise i got banned
i am grateful that i'm alive
but am i in a sunk cost fallacy?

im sick of the rules made before i was born
tired of the "do this or die"s
i want to feel my existance is priceless
i dont want to do good deeds to justify
my unforgivable existance

why am i unforgivable?
born to feel horror i lost all my apples
being rejected is better than being invisible
i just want to go to a chapel
and confess by killing myself

to be firm you have to remember where you come from
to my eternal darkness sun always sets
made you sink in danger and now you turned
my soul belongs deep down, the hot depths
of fire and flames

my soul likes to hate
it learnt it from my wicked fate
my lord, how to unlearn something
when you learnt it weakly just to live?
my lord, why cant i unlearn something
if it no longer makes me want to live?

i know i feel things more
i know my soul is so wretched that it makes my life worse
i know it no longer works, the mask i wore
i know i see the world how i like too see but i still fight it
my soul knows how to lose a war
i know its easier to blame when shame is too thick
i know everything is within but everytime i go deep down i feel the ick
its easier to look outside so i bend the rules
who cares about rules anyway
they just make me feel like i should die

im a human sketch
scream of a person who already went to hell
even flames of hell cant heal the coldness inside of me
at least i feel like i belong