18

i see judging faces everywhere
i miss you a bit more at those times
searching for your face here and there
your breeze passes over sometimes

cigarette and coke on my hand
thinking of you trying to understand
why did you chose to betray
a little spark on heart that led astray

he tried to play a game
trying to reverse karma worsen the shame
but the other saw through it, did the same
now he doesnt know who to blame

repression, sparks of denial
the Nile, floods only once a year
he mistook the tide for destiny
and drowned inside his own belief
if the river meant life, why leave its land so dry?
he drank from her once, still doesn’t know why he cried

love-starved, heart worn thin
a broken child with the savior’s skin
masking lack with grandiose delusion
cant get enough of this disillusion

paint your mother as the virgin, divine
then brand your lover with the guilt in your spine
so you don’t bleed where the past still shines

in the name of power, slit the throat of a hen
watch how the narcissistic high begins again
idolize your father like a sacred sin
then hand your child the fear within
so you don’t face what he buried in your skin

to compensate their feelings of inferiority
they made power their priority

they said:
“last night i dreamt that somebody loved me,
no hope, no harm
just another false alarm”

he loves another woman
woman came out of fairytale
he whispers her name
calls her lady of the sea
blue eyes, where he did see
the innocence in them he never saw in me

she wanted to be clean, never succeed
born dark, bad seed
dramatic and insane, innocence stolen
watches her heart tears open
couldnt get the innocence
now couldnt get the love
had no chance for ignorance
but lost her love to the dove

when i was a literal dove, i got used
people i care for left me bruised
i was an angel, now confused
is it better to abuse than to be abused?
lucky her, he fights for her to protect
no one fought for me when i was weak
nowhere to find the comfort i seek
i was the quiet, now im the scream
is it safer to destroy than to dream?

she has someone who guards her fears
i had no one to dry my tears
searching for warmth that won’t flee
now they all hide from me