3

cold, nostalgic grayness that makes me feel like i belong
makes me feel like im inhaling life when im actually exhaling
its the air i used to breathe in, im in a place that is wrong
a place i should heal myself to forget, but im failing

the grayness is so dead that it drains my life
but the breath i inhale is like the match girl's last match and her dream
feels like someone pours water to my burning heart, but it's coldness of knife
but the desire of that cold belonging flows in my bloodstream
like a drug that steals life just to give a few seconds of happiness

im dying but it feels like home
in the foggy nihilistic places i roam
meaninglessness has never seemed so meaningful

do you know when healing feels like losing?
it feels so me, where are you going?
its the only thing i have about feeling at home,
my home has no roof, no walls
i lost it in a war